Peer Edits

Julia P.
1. What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
There is lots of detail- with numbers and facts. But maybe add more of a connection between the story and the reader, make them feel what the people in the story are feeling

2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
Maybe add a senior who is anxious to leave for college but is nervous about the change it will be.
For a lead, perhaps add a funny college situation that will bring humor to the story.

3. Do the first 450 words contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
This is a very good story, however it doesn't seem very narrative or personable to you, as feature stories usually are. I don't see a scene of things happening. Perhaps make it more human interest? It seems like more of a hard news story. But I really like the topic- I can relate to the stress of going to college soon!

4. What questions would you like answered in the next 300 words? What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
Maybe hear more humor to add to the feature story?
There are a few spelling goofs you should look at. No biggie.

Kelly B.
What are some areas that could use more detail? Why?
There is a good amount of deatil. I don't know what to write for this part.

2. What additional sources might the author use? Does the lead involve you in the story?
Maybe NHS members who are involved with Hoop-a-Thon

3. Do the first 450 words contain a well defined scene (a detailed description of someone doing something or something happening)? What is it? If not, make a suggestion for a scene that might work.
I think there is a scene but I can't picture it in my head. Maybe make a clearer scene? This story topic has a lot of potential because it can really move the reader emotionally.

4. What questions would you like answered in the next 300 words? What would you like to see or hear more of? Less of? Include, any other suggestions you have for improvement.
I feel like this is more of a hard news story. Maybe to make it more of a feature story it should be more human interest. Really connecting the reading audience to all the effort the kids put into making a difference with something that really affects them